Drop your Buffs! Night 6 The Aitu tribe returns to camp, and just like the rest of us, they’re still trying to make sense of Whack-a-Doo Billy’s love confession at Tribal Council. Cristina, ever the softy, is still trying to defend Billy, saying that maybe there was something there that the others just didn’t see. No Cristina, he’s a Whack-a-Doo. A crazy, lazy, food-consuming, nap-taking, excuse-making, skill-lacking, boring, snoring, blonde-stalking, Whack-a-Doo. You and your tribe are all better off without him… and he is in a happier place. Let’s move on. Day 7 Puka Tribe After some fishing, the tribe sits around the campfire trying to enjoy a quiet meal. This is not possible however, because Cao Boi is there. And if Cao Boi is there, he’s got something to say… and he’s saying it to anyone within squawking distance whether they want to hear it or not. He goes on his political diatribe about people that come to the U.S. from Vietnam for a better life, only to see their children get drafted into the war against Iraq. Let’s all agree that there is quite a bit of nonsense in what Cao Boi is saying, (keyword: draft), and the topic is really for a different type of blog that what I am mucking around with here. Instead, we will just pull out the relevant nugget which is: Cao Boi is driving everyone in his tribe nuts because he won’t ever shut up! Brad looks up into the sky, hoping an alien craft will come and beam him far away from Cao Boi and his droning. Becky and Jenny start rubbing their heads to try and keep their brains from exploding. The entire tribe would happily switch places with Yul who is still on the peaceful shores of Exile Island. Cao Boi is oblivious, and continues to yammer on… pausing occasionally to laugh loudly at his own humor. Raro Tribe It’s tree mail time, and the tribe is informed that there will be an early morning challenge. Suddenly there is much frenzy, as all the members of the tribe feel the need to “warm up” for this unexpected challenge. Flicka starts hanging from trees, Parvati does a non-graceful backbend or two, Jonathan does some yoga-type move that must be called “rabid-dog-retching”, and Candice eats a coconut. Adam is not shown. Clearly he is buff, toned, and ready at all times and needs no warm-up. Either that or he is somewhere still sulking and kicking rocks because his tribe didn’t back him on the “we don’t need a floor, we can sleep on the cold wet sand” idea that he tried to sell them all last week. We get no more information though, because now it’s challenge time. “Surprise” Challenge (actually, we all know it’s not a challenge, and is going to be a merge… but THEY don’t know that yet. Shhhhhh…. ) Jeff waits for them on the beach in his safari hat. Aitu trudges in and reveals that they have voted out Billy. Candice reacts, not at all. Jeff collects the 3-in-1 Immunity Idol from the rest of the tribes, and then hits them with, “Drop your buffs!” There are heavy sighs and glances to the heavens. Cao Boi is confused, never having it explained to him that the traditional tribal headdress that he has been wearing is actually called a “buff”, and can be purchased online at CBS.com. Finally, he grabs the correct piece of clothing and disposes of it along with the rest of the castaways. Jeff then has all the ladies line up on one side, and all the men on the other. And then all of the individuals of each group must reach in a bag and pull out a tile. Two of the men, and two of the women reveal their picks and discover that they have an “X” on their tile. Cecilia and Parvati are the lucky lady winners, and both become new team captains. Brad and Jonathan both pull an X-tile, and become new team captains as well. The ladies then get to take turns, picking other ladies for their new tribe. However, they are required to pick someone from a tribe different than the one they just left. Cecilia goes first and picks Jessica. Jessica squeals, and then instantly whispers to Cecilia that she can call her “Flicka”. I imagine Cecilia instantly regrets her decision. Pavarti is told she must then pick someone from one of the old ethnic tribes that hasn’t been selected from yet, so she picks Jenny. Jessica/Flicka now has to choose another person, and is told she must select someone from the one tribe that hasn’t been selected from yet, so she chooses Sundra. It goes back and forth… Jenny chooses Cristina, Sundra chooses Becky, Cristina chooses Rebecca, Becky chooses Candice, and Rebecca chooses Stephanie. So now there are two ladies-only tribes: Cecilia, Jessica/Flicka, Sundra, Becky and Candice. Parvati, Jenny, Cristina, Rebecca, and Stephannie. A similar process is followed for the men, and the result are two men-only tribes: Brad, J.P., Nate, and Adam Jonathan, Yul, Ozzy, and Cao Boi Now the four captains are each told to select an egg and hold it tightly in their hands. At Jeff’s signal, they are instructed to squish it in their palms. In a somewhat mean, but colorful and effective stunt, the production crew has filled the four eggs with paint. Suddenly blue paint and red paint is exploding over the team captains, and in this way the male and female components of the new tribes are matched up. Jonathan and Cecilia are covered in red paint, while Parvati and Brad are splattered in Blue. The “red” groups become the new Aitu tribe, and the “blue” groups become the new Roro tribe. So our brand-spanking-new, totally integrated tribes are: New Roro: Pavarti, Jenny, Christina, Rebecca, Stephannie, Brad, J.P., Nate, and Adam New Aitu: Cecilia, Jessica/Flicka, Sundra, Becky, Candice, Jonathan, Yul, Ozzy, and Cao Boi Jeff tells them that all the items that the individual teams have accumulated will be pooled together and be shared equally among the members of the new combined tribes. The “New Roro” tribe is told to go back to the Roro campsite, and the “New Aitu” is told to return to the original Aitu campsite. So, with final waves goodbye to old tribemates, they all set off on their way. Raro Tribe The new Raro tribe returns to their beach, and in celebration of their new integrated family, they decide to have a feast of sorts. Nate might as well be singing “Movin On Up” from The Jeffersons, given his excitement level about the new digs. I guess things were hard back at the old Hiki campsite? They had shelter, water, and fire… right? And access to the same ocean full of fish? Well, for whatever reason, he is way happy to be at the new camp. Soon they all sit around and get to know each other. They chat a bit about how they all reacted to the realization that the game was going to start with ethnically separated tribes. They are all very polite about it… “I was surprised, but I didn’t really have a problem with it.” “I thought it was okay, because it brought attention to the differences, and made people think…” Etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. If anyone did have a problem with it, they’re not admitting it now since they have a new tribe to impress. Stephanie sums up the Kum Ba Yah attitude of the new Raro by telling us that now they are all together, “You don’t see color, you just see the heart of the individual.” I see another T-Shirt coming: Survivor Cook Islands: It’s not about the color of your skin, It’s about the size of your heart. (Hey, anyone that makes a shirt out of that owes me 10%) Parvati is very happy about the new tribe. She gives us some hoopie about it being a melting pot, and more representative of America. But what she’s really excited about is that there are lots of attractive young men around her camp now. Before she just had scowling Jonathan, and Adam who was all ga-ga over Candice. Now she still has Adam, sans Candice… plus Nate, J.P. and Brad. Parvati makes a mental note: Flirt with boys. Rinse, Repeat. Aitu Tribe The new tribe arrives as their beach, and Cecila and Ozzy give them the grand tour. Jonathan is all impressed by their shelter, it has walls and everything! There isn’t mention of a floor, but I’m sure Jonathan will get right on that if it’s missing one. Cao Boi and Flicka beginning bonding at once while building a makeshift torch. I believe any fire-related activity will win Flicka’s heart. Flicka mentions that she can feel a change in the energy of this new tribe, and can feel a vibration from the new people that she didn’t feel before at the old Roro. Cao Boi generously tells her that he loves her, even though she’s not Asian. (Oh please, don’t let us have a repeat performance at Tribal Council. “I found my prize… his name is Cao Boi!”) Cecila pulls Candice aside, and gives her the run down of the last Tribal Council and how Billy professed his love for her. Candice is flustered, dumbstruck, confused, embarrassed… and then back to flustered. Jonathan just about loses it when Cecilia tells them all how Billy considered his love with Candice to be his million dollar prize. Then the tribe teases her about leading him on. Candice laughs it off, but I’m sure she’s about ready to crawl under a rock to escape it all. Luckily, she’s about to win an all-expense paid trip to Exile Island. (But again, shhhhh… she doesn’t know this yet.) Raro Tribe Back at tribe Raro, the men decide to impress the ladies by randomly moving rocks from one side of the beach to the other. There is some unspoken competition to see who can carry the most rocks at one time. The men all wish they were peacocks so they could just display their colorful tails to the ladies to impress them, and stop having to carry all of these heavy rocks. Brad and J.P. carry rocks to try and impress each other. Parvati has her flirt on. She goes up to Adam and starts grooming him and calling him her baby monkey. (My husband now wants me to refer to him as my baby monkey. This will soon be sweeping the nation, you watch.) Then Parvati the slut begins flirting with Nate. She coyly, and hopefully, tells him that his pants are falling down. There is lots of smiling, and lots of giggling. Man, if this girl can catch a fish, the guys will keep her around forever. Aitu Tribe Meanwhile, back at Aitu, Jonathan is busy cutting up bamboo. I assume he is building a floor. This man loves floors. If he wasn’t already a successful Hollywood movie guy, he should get into flooring. He has a passion for it. On the beach, Becky is pouncing on Candice, similar to how she pounced on Yul last week. She approaches Candice, and suggests that they team up. They both agree it makes sense, given the fact that they are both wickedly smart, attractive, and female. They trust each other, they’re both female… they respect each other, they’re both female… and they admit that they would naturally and automatically ally with each other since… they are both female. Once the allying is official, Becky mentions that she also trusts and respects Yul, and he is allied with her as well. She asks Candice if she trusts and respects Jonathan, and maybe he could be the fourth for their little bridge club? Candice says she clearly trusts and respects Jonathan, and that it would naturally and automatically make sense that the four of them should bond together in a mutually trusting and respecting alliance of four. Hmmm… but they need a fifth to have the numbers in their favor. Who should it be??? Becky approaches Jonathan, and informs him of the mutually trusting and respecting thing with Candice and Yul. Becky asks him whom he think would make a good fifth. Jonathan know the perfect person that he mutually trusts and respects… Flicka. Wha…? Flicka that made him crazy on day one, Flicka? Flicka that let the chickens loose, Flicka? Flicka that only helped him with his damn floor on the other island so he would stop yelling at her about the newly free-range chickens, Flicka? Jonathan trots off to talk to his friend, Flicka. Flicka, that today is sporting a Pippi Longstocking inspired hairdo, stares at him blankly as he tells her that they need to ally with a couple of the Asians in order to go further in the game. Flicka is excited until she realizes that the Asians he is considering do not include her friend, Cao Boi. Jonathan coaches her, telling her not to let anyone know about the alliance if she is asked… that she should look blank and confused if anyone comes sniffing around her about it. Flicka has no problem with the blank and confused look, and starts practicing it right away. After Jonathan is gone, Flicka tells us that she’s not sure about this alliance, because she actually didn’t like the people from her original tribe that much, and is much more comfortable with the people in her new tribe. Flicka is conflicted. She works on her blank and confused face. Becky brings Yul up to speed on the mutually trusting and respecting thing that she’s set up with Candice, Jonathan, and Flicka. Yul agrees, and then tells Becky that because he trusts and respects her so much, he has to tell her something. He lets her know that he found the Immunity Idol on Exile Island. He felt he needed to let her know, as a gesture of how much he trusts and respects her. He then tells her that if needed, he will use it to save her someday… because he trusts and respects her that much. Becky tells him that he is right to trust and respect her, because she won’t tell anybody. She then gives him a big hug full of mutual trust and respect.

Day 8 Raro Tribe Nate is out fishing and spears an octopus. This only serves in really pissing the octopus off, and it grabs the spear and tries to pull Nate down to the depths with him. Although the plucky Survivor film crew tries to make it appear life or death, Nate is actually only in three feet of water. Therefore, Nate simply stands up and hollers to the beach for some help. Brad and J.P., who just happened to be spending some alone time on the beach together, hear Nate and go splashing after him Baywatch-style. They pull the octopus above the surface of the water, and then it reaches out and grabs for Brad, and coils itself around him with a strong suction hold. Brad screeches like a girl, and then seems to get used to it… enjoy it even, and simply giggles. (Note to self: check in with Brad at the reunion show and see if he has acquired a pet octopus.) The three men finally trudge to shore with the defeated octopus in tow. Nate presents the octopus to the tribe, reminiscent of Will Smith dragging the alien to the Airforce Base in Independence Day. Parvati stares hungrily at the octopus, and then hungrily at Nate. “I bet that’s a lot of meat… that’s good.” And then with a sultry smile she adds, “I bet you could eat that whole thing yourself.” Parvati has now made octopus some kind of metaphor for sex… and clearly she wants a piece of Nate’s octopus. Immunity Challenge We helicopter-swoop in to see the challenge course. It looks vaguely familiar. Actually, it looks frickin’ identical to a challenge from two or three seasons ago, where the tribes all have to be linked together carrying weighted backpacks, and have to chase each other around the course through knee-deep water in an attempt to catch the other team. Teammates can bail out at any time, but must give their weighted backpacks to another player. The first team to catch up to and tackle a member from the other team wins. And oh, by the way, there is another super secret note that will be revealed after the challenge. So… clip, clip, clip… all tribemates are hooked together and wearing aforementioned backpacks. And…they’re off! Now, I don’t know if these teams discussed strategy at all before the challenge started, but clearly the Aitu tribe needed to discuss some. Because about a half a second into the challenge, suddenly all of the Aitu girls start bailing out. First Cecilia, then in quick succession, Sundra, Candice, and Becky. What are they thinking? They’re handing their packs off to the likes of old, overweight and out-of-shape Jonathan, and old, frail and out-of-shape Cao Boi. This so that they can go sit over on a bench and watch their team lose miserably? (Okay, time out. Not that I’m an Olympic athlete or anything, but we’re talking 15 pounds! This is the size of a large bag of groceries… that’s all. I mean, I have an 18-month-old that weighs 30 pounds. Do you think I’m going to hand him off to someone else after 15.7 seconds? No! I’m carrying that baby until I’m near death, no matter what terrain we’re going through! Do none of these ladies have kids? Oh, all right… do none of these ladies like kids? Can you not use a little imagination and convince yourself that putting down this load is simply not an option? Oh whatever… on with the narrative.) So plucky Flicka is the only ovary-bearing member still hanging in on the Aitu tribe, while Raro is still in full force. Then Raro loses Stephannie. All the other girls hang in until Cristina calls it quits, followed shortly by Jenny. (Girls, pleeez! Have you no backbone? Have you no fortitude?) At that point, Flicka bails, leaving the guys to go it alone for Aitu. Then Parvati leaves the Raro chain gang. Rebecca is the only girl at this point participating in the challenge. (You go, girl!) Jonathan starts breaking down at this point. His smug pre-season speech about it making more sense for him to be a fatty that can stand to lose a few pounds, as opposed to being fit and in-shape, starts to haunt him about now. Cao Boi for once isn’t talking or laughing, and looks like he’s about to pass out. It is only at this point, when Raro needs to speed up to finish closing the gap, that Rebecca finally hands over her pack. The strong young boys in blue quickly catch up to the failing Jonathan, Cao Boi, and company. As smart as he is, at this point Yul suggests that they stop running, and turn around and fight. Huh? I mean, even if they knock down a member of Raro, it still doesn’t matter because they’ve already been lapped. I’ll assume that Yul was just trying to be a nice guy, and bring the suffering to an end for Cao Boi and Jonathan… because otherwise, his logic just doesn’t stick. Anyway, Aitu stops, and exactly one second later they tackle Cao Boi, and the challenge is over. The new Raro wins immunity. Now it is time to read the super secret note. The anticipation is immense! What will it be? The winning team also gets a pony??? Oh no, it’s just the expected announcement that the winning team must pick a member from the losing team to go to Exile Island, and that exiled person will miss Tribal Council and will not be eligible to be voted out. Just like last season. Big whoop. Can we possibly steal any more from previous seasons tonight? So, the winning Raro tribe huddles together, and decides to send Candice to Exile Island. Candice looks a bit stunned, as does the rest of her tribe, but she trudges off to catch the Exile Island Express as the rest of the teams head back to camp. Exile Island They then give us a quick shot of Candice wading up to Exile Island. They don’t bother to waste our time with her reviewing the next clue in the handy-dandy notebook, since the idol has already been found by Yul. In fact, if Candice looks closely enough, she’ll probably notice that the token camera guy that they left with her doesn’t actually ever turn the camera on or remove his lens cap when he’s “shooting footage”. Yep, missy… that’s a sure giveaway that there’s no story on this little island anymore. Aitu Tribe Back at the camp, Yul is lamenting the fact that Candice is on Exile Island, and that has a huge impact on the whole mutual trusting and respecting thing that has been set up with him, Becky, Candice, and Jonathan. Before, they needed only one other person (flakey Flicka) to join their merry band, and they would have the numbers. Now, they are a party of three stuck out on a limb. Cao Boi and Ozzy start chatting, and agree that neither one of them need to go home. So instead, Cao Boi thinks they should target Becky because she is weak. It appears that even though Becky is Asian, Cao Boi doesn’t love her. Ozzy quickly agrees, and they start rounding up votes from the rest of the tribe. Ozzy talks to Cecilia, Sundra, and Flicka as they walk down the beach, and tells them of their plan. Together, with Cao Boi, this group makes five and has the majority… and can vote out whomever they please. As long as they stick together! (But really, do they ever actually stick together by the time they actually arrive at Tribal? No. They do not.) You know there is going to be waffling, because Flicka is conflicted again… and is having a hard time maintaining her blank and confused face. Instead, she looks pained and stressed. Once this little band gets back to the beach, Flicka calls out to Jonathan. They walk over to chat, none too inconspicuously, and Flicka blurts out what is going on. “Just so you know… Becky’s going,” she says, while Jonathan looks stunned. Then she continues, “Just so you know… I’m not going to go against that.” Jonathan looks double-stunned. Jonathan immediately starts trying to wrangle her, asking her if she would consider voting for somebody else. But Flicka is not easily swayed. She wants Becky to go, because “she doesn’t have a good vibe about her.” Jonathan spins off and starts pulling out what little hair he has left. He talks with Yul, “Houston, we have a problem!” and they decide to each try and tackle one person and see if they can swing their vote away from Becky, and towards Cecilia instead. (No reason given for why they picked Cecilia. The next person alphabetically? I don’t know.) So Yul goes to talk to Cao Boi, and Jonathan goes back to try and iron-death-grip-hold Flicka into switching. Jonathan sits down on a stump and tries to reason with Flicka. He discusses strategy and numbers, while she discusses trust and personal relationships. He talks about playing the game for the long haul, she avoids eye contact and brushes imaginary bugs from her shoulder. He realizes they are talking apples and oranges, she sits quietly and eats nuts and berries. Yul talks to Cao Boi. Cao Boi wants to get rid of Becky because she’s a princess, and is the weak link for the team. Yul, of course, disputes this. “Becky, very strong. Cecilia, weak and no help. Putooey, putooy on Cecilia.” Yul also mentions numbers, and playing for the long haul. Finally, for once, Cao Boi is tired of hearing someone else talk, and shakes hands and makes a deal with Yul just to get him to be quiet and go away. Pay attention Alanis, this is irony. We then hear Cao Boi telling us that he doesn’t like the scheming of men. He talks to Flicka, they both agree they can’t trust Jonathan, and that his is manipulative. But, (there’s always a but) Cao Boi agrees that it is a game about numbers, and that they will get picked off if they don’t go with what the big trusting and respecting alliance wants them to do. Flicka looks scared. Flicka doesn’t want to be picked off. But Flicka doesn’t want to play a dirty game either. This is where Cao Boi washes them clean of any responsibility… by magically announcing that it is just Yul and Jonathan that are playing the dirty game, and they are just being innocently swept away with it and can not be blamed. Flicka’s blank and confused face is back. Tribal Council It’s that time, boys and girls. Gather around the campfire and choose one of your own to throw into the crocodile pit. Jeff is there waiting. His spiffy safari hat is not. Jeff: Jonathan, before you were all split by race, now you’re not. Do you care? Jonathan: I couldn’t care less. Jeff: Sundra, you’re the only African American here. Does that make you feel A: Powerful? or B: Vulnerable, isolated, repressed, and discriminated against, just like the minority that you are? Sundra: I’ll take A, Jeff, for five-hundred dollars. Jeff: Yul, you’re clearly smarter than everyone else, and we have already made the check out in your name. What will you do to entertain yourself for the remaining 31 days? Yul: I’m going to gather fish to feed all of the starving children in South Africa. Right after I figure out how to hook up an Internet connection using nothing but coconut husks and fishing wire. Jeff: Jonathan, how stupid are the people that came to this island just to make friends? Jonathan: They are really, really stupid, Jeff. They could have stayed home and made friends. I personally have no friends. Therefore I have nothing to distract me from making a mad dash for the million dollars. Jeff: Flicka, you are clearly outmatched and will be sent home soon. What do you have to say for yourself? Flicka: Huh? Jeff: Ozzy, have you figured out yet that people are going to screw you over and not vote the way they promised you that they would? Ozzy: Jeff, if they betray me, then I’ll go all psycho crazy on them! I’ll be even crazier than my hair! I’ll build an elephant pit out in the wilderness and chase them into it. Then I’ll throw coconuts at them night and day. They better not betray me! They… better… not! Jeff: Well then, it’s time to vote! There is lovely Survivor music, our intrepid castaways trudge up and write names on slips of paper, and beg forgiveness from the person they are voting to throw into the crocodile pit (except for Ozzy, who dislikes Becky and looks forward to feeding her to the crocodiles). Yul: Cecilia Cecilia: Becky Sundra: Becky Becky: Cecilia Ozzy: Becky Cao Boi: Production staff teases us, and doesn’t show us that he’s written down Cecilia’s name… but the camera pauses long and hard on Cecilia’s face. Jonathan: Cecilia Flicka: See: Cao Boi. Vote tallying time: Three for Cecilia, three for Becky… tension builds... and the next person to be voted off Survior is… CECILIA!!! Steam comes out of Ozzy’s ears. Join us next week, when Ozzy goes ape-shit on his lying, cheating, betraying tribe!

The standings before Episode 3 Puka wins reward Raro wins reward Puka wins immunity Raro wins immunity Hika wins immunity Yul on Exile Island Yul finds immunity idol Billy voted out 4-1 ADAM: (Tribal Immunity) Adam, you’re only four days in, and you’re already acting lazy and petchulant? This is a competition, you know. I know you’re hungry and tired, and this is probably the first time in your life you’ve had to work hard for something and not been given it right away. But Candice is right; you’d better not make an enemy out of your tribemates this early on. Go talk to Billy about what happens when you get lazy around camp… you may get snuffed out too. But at least you won’t have to make up the existence of a little flirt fest with Candice. BECKY: (Tribal Immunity) Becky pairing up with Yul is a smart move. But isn’t it funny that even within a “segregated” tribe, they segregate even further? So now it’s the Koreans teaming up against the rest of the Asians. And everyone was blaming Mark Burnett for the ethnic grouping! BRAD: (Tribal Immunity)Well, Brad’s not feeling as foolish, now that other members of his tribe are going to Dr. Cao Boi to cure what ails them. Brad better keep his head clear though, now that two strong members of his tribe are aligning, and one of them is holding the hidden immunity idol. As long as your team keeps winning rewards, you’re safe. But if you haven’t found someone to watch your back before that changes, you may find yourself in danger. Better see if there’s room for a third with Yul and Becky, or talk to Cao Boi about something besides head pain to ensure you’re not in this alone. CANDICE: (Tribal Immunity) Candice, you’re admirers are growing every week! You’ve already got a snuggle bunny in Adam, and now you have Billy professing his love to you for Tribal Council and all of America to hear. You better think twice before you give encouragement to any more men who are feeling down and out. Either that, or you better hire one heck of a personal security staff to keep the lovesick stalkers at bay. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say to Billy on the Season Finale. That’s if he can still attend under the rules of the restraining order that I’m sure you’ve filed against him. CAO BOI: (Tribal Immunity)Well Cao Boi, no one on your tribe seems interested in hearing any more of your everlasting array of Asian jokes, but lucky for you, you could care less what they think. I do believe however that by the end of the game, there is going to be a whole herd of castaways branded by your mystical headache cure. If only you could subliminally implement thoughts for them never vote you out at the same time… you’d be guaranteed a million dollar check in your name by the end of this whole adventure. CECILIA: (Voted for Billy) Cece looked like she was about to choke on her tongue during Billy’s telling of his imaginary love affair. As much as she may have been considering keeping him around earlier in the day, the crazy talk soon convinced her otherwise. But now she’s part of a two guy, two girl, team that is clearly divided down gender lines. If they ever find themselves at Tribal again, she may see her name showing up on some of those ballots. CRISTINA: (Voted for Billy) Well, Cristina had to make a decision between someone she didn’t feel she could trust, and someone she didn’t feel had a very tight grasp on reality. She was sympathetic to Billy because he was essentially back-doored into being voted out, but Billy pretty much sealed his own fate by going off the deep end. Even so, now she had two strong guys on her tribe that she doesn’t trust, and that probably have their sights set on her for the next tribal vote. Hopefully her tribe will be stronger without Billy, because she’s is probably at risk to go home if it comes to another vote. JENNY: (Tribal Immunity) Jenny has had just about enough of Cao Boi’s ethnic jokes, and is the one that is the most outspoken against them. But that didn’t keep her from running to him when she had a bad headache that she needed taken away – she’s marked just like Brad and now they’ll forever share a special Cao Boi administered spiritual bond. If the focus ever goes off of Cao Boi however, she and Brad share the same dangerous position once you consider the Yul/Becky alliance. She and Brad should get together and share more that just matching red marks on their foreheads. JESSICA: (Tribal Immunity) Jessica is clearly trying to make up for the chicken fiasco by being Jonathan’s right hand man, and working hard towards whatever he thinks the tribe should be doing. If only she could catch those chickens using some of the methods that the other tribes came up with, she could really have her record cleared. I don’t know if Jonathan has forgiven her yet however, so just in case she and Parvati should be talking and teaming up to offset the obvious Adam and Candice pairing. JONATHAN: (Tribal Immunity) Poor Jonathan, banished to Exile Island for a couple of days, and comes back to find that no work got done in his absence. Obviously the team considers him their leader, and are a little lost when he’s not around. Hopefully he can swing that in his favor so his tribe keeps him around for a while, because he couldn’t find the immunity idol, and now it’s too late because it’s already gone! JP: (Tribal Immunity)J.P. was about to lose it while Billy was in the process of describing the true treasure he found during his stay on the island. J.P. wisely let Ozzy be the one to suggest that the tribe throw the challenge in an effort to send Billy packing, but he’s still on the girls radar as being “untrustworthy”, although not as severely as Ozzy. If he’s smart, J.P. better pull the girls aside and try and get their support if another vote should come. As much as he may agree with Ozzy, he’d better distance himself from him in the girls’ eyes. That’s the only way he’ll keep the target off his back. NATHAN: (Tribal Immunity) Nathan couldn’t come through for his tribe when it came to making fire, but he seemed genuinely pleased and grateful to the girls when they finally got things burning. He’s the lone guy in a tribe full of women. He’d better start demonstrating his usefulness around camp, or they’ll vote a second guy off the next time they have a chance. OZZY: (Voted for Billy) Ozzy may have made the right call to get rid of the tribe’s weak link, Billy… but he didn’t do it with much finesse and is facing disapproval from other members of his tribe as a result. I think Ozzy is one of the best-prepared survivors to ever take on the challenge, but if the rest of his team doesn’t trust him, he could be sent home packing. PARVATI: (Tribal Immunity) Parvati seems to be sitting back, avoided taking a stand on anything just yet. I think she’s afraid if she voices her opinion on anything, her tribemates may disagree and a target may appear on her back. What she doesn’t realize is by sitting there doing nothing, she may get targeted regardless. Adam and Candice are pairing up, and Jessica is working hard to get in Jonathan’s good graces. If Parvati doesn’t make a call on something soon, she may be without any support and soon be shown the door. REBECCA: (Tribal Immunity) Rebecca didn’t give up, and as a result she provided the first fire for her tribe. She’s sure doing a good job of demonstrating that the girls of her tribe can do just fine without any help from the men. The tribe does seem more united with Sekou’s exit, and they seem to be a fairly tight knit group. And I think Rebecca is in a really strong position overall with her friendship with Sundra, and her contributions to the tribe. STEPHANNIE: (Tribal Immunity) Thanks to her vote last week, the girls of her tribe know that they have Stephannie’s loyalty. However, she’s still on uncertain ground, because despite her support of the other ladies, if it comes time for another vote for this tribe, team Sundra and Rebecca may decide that Nate’s strength is more valuable than Stephannie’s loyalty. She’d better do what she can to keep the tribe safe in order to keep herself safe. SUNDRA: (Tribal Immunity) Despite being on the chopping block last week, Sundra is in a pretty good spot now thanks to her friendship with Rebecca, and the success of the women of her tribe in general. As long as she and Rebecca stay aligned, and the women have the numbers over Nate, she can enjoy not having a target on her back. YUL: (Tribal Immunity) As if Yul wasn’t one of the best competitors out there already, now he has an under the radar alliance with Becky and the hidden immunity idol in his back pocket. This guy is smart, strong, and likeable. I don’t know what twists they may have in mind for us this season, but right now Yul looks like he’s going to be tough to beat.

Are J.P. and Brad dating post-season? That's a rumor that is currently swirling about. At first I didn't think much of it, because although I knew that Brad was gay, I hadn't heard the same about J.P. However, a friend of mine pointed me toward The Silver Fox website. The Silver Fox is a fairly well-known gay bar in Long Beach, California. Right on the first page of the website is a notice: Watch Survivor on Thursdays at 8:00 PM Cheer on JP in his quest to survive the challenges of the Cook Islands! Hmmmm. Okay, that means nothing other than J.P. may have some friends at The Silver Fox that wish him well, or at least that the club's webmaster does. But then you go into their photo gallery and take a look at some pics from the club's participation in the Gay Pride Parade... and there in a few of the shots is someone that looks remarkably like J.P. That appears to be him, the one without his shirt. Uhhhh, I mean, the one on the very far right, without his shirt. Here's another look, on one of the floats: That appears to be him again on the far right, this time with his shirt on. Okay, so maybe we've established that J.P. might be open to the idea of dating Brad, but I don't actually know if they truly are dating. Assuming they are both around when there is a merge however, we can keep our eyes open to see if they have their flirt on. That's all I've got. Has anyone heard anything more substantial?

Billy’s Exit Interview On Friday’s “The Early Show”, Harry Smith interviewed Billy Garcia to get his take on things after being voted off Survivor. Billy shows up in, I kid you not, the same black T-Shirt, black pants, and black bandana that he schlepped around in on the island. (Honestly, he may have a closet full of them, and they could be all cleaned and pressed… but it looked like he had just come back from Tribal Council). Harry asked him about the challenge, and if he knew that they were planning to throw it just to vote him off. Billy said he had a suspicion that they might, but that honestly he couldn’t believe that a tribe would truly do that on purpose, so just figured he was being paranoid. He said he didn’t know for sure until the challenge started, and then it became clear they were doing it on purpose. Then Harry questioned him on his strategy, since the reasons his tribe gave for voting him off was that he was lazy and wasn’t playing hard enough. And this is where Billy describes his clever strategy, “The opposite is true. It wasn’t that I wasn’t playing hard enough, but that NOT working hard was part of my play.” (yeah… you may have to read that over a few time to try and make sense of it) He went on to say, “They were spending so much energy unnecessarily I thought, they didn’t have to work every second of every minute of every day.” He continued, explaining that he wanted to use his energy later… wait until they were all spent and then he would do something then. Well clearly, his tribe was happy to let him sit back and conserve his energy permanently… because they booted his non-working, heavy metal butt back to base camp to spend the remainder of the time fishing with Sekou. Harry then brought up the little romantic interaction that occurred between him and Candice after the challenge, and asked Billy to explain a little more about that. Billy kind of blushed, and looked down… and then went on to give what I thought was at least a somewhat reasonable explanation. He compared it to staving for food, and then if someone threw you a couple crumbs, it would seem like the best meal in the world. Billy said he was starving for affection, feeling isolated from the members of his tribe. “So when she threw me some affection, it was like the best affection I ever had.” Well Billy, you might have just kept that to yourself, as opposed to sharing it with a national audience. But at least you’re not scared about being honest with your feelings. Billy none too subtly mentioned that he is still practicing his music, and you can learn more about his band by visiting their website at www.forsakken.com. If you’d like to see Billy’s entire interview, you can find it at CBS News Video.

What can happen when you insist on continuously wearing a black bandana on your head in the blazing-hot South Pacific. Okay, so let’s just jump right in to the most bizarre event of the evening: Billy and Candice’s love affair. It is so secret, SO sudden… that even Candice wasn’t aware of it. Billy… you crazy fool! (And I really mean that.) You probably had saving votes from Cecilia and Cristina, until you revealed your spooky, phantom-romance-inventing, stalker tendencies. My jaw quite literally dropped, and some kind of strangled laugh came out of it, when Billy started his little “love at first sight” speech at Tribal Council. After getting attacked by J.P. for his complete lack of effort around camp, Billy came up with just about the craziest defense for why he didn’t make himself useful around camp. You see, somewhere along the line, Billy stopped playing this game for a million dollars, and in his own words, his prize became “that he fell in love in this game.” So I guess helping around camp wasn’t going to help him secure that prize, so why bother… was that his point? Oh, never mind; let’s just enjoy the craziness! When Billy starts professing his love, there is a mixed reaction: Billy: “I’m playing the game, that’s what I came here to do. My prize isn’t even the million dollars, my prize was that I… that I fell in love in this game.” Cecilia and Cristina simultaneously choke on suppressed laughter. A look of pure confusion flickers across J.P’s face. Jeff’s eyes get big with shock. Billy continues: “Love at first sight. Her name is Candice.” Jeff just about falls off his chair (or log, or stump, or whatever.) Cecilia and Cristina can stifle it no more, and they both burst out laughing. Just to be sure he heard it right, Jeff clarifies, “Candice… from Roro tribe?” as his eyes just about pop out of his head. “Yeah,” Billy confirms. “After the last challenge, we sort of mouthed the words ‘I love you’ to one another, so that was my prize. My prize was her.” Jeff must cover his mouth to try and hide the ridiculous smile that he can’t keep from forming on his face. J.P. shakes his head slightly, as if to say, “I don’t know what the hell to make of it either.” Jeff diplomatically says, “I have never heard anything that surprised me more than what you just said.” And then artfully tiptoes deeper into the issue by asking, “I want to be respectful because I don’t know what happened, but what would she base feeling the same way you feel, on?” That’s right, Jeff. Tread cautiously. Don’t say anything to make the crazy, delusional man angry. Billy’s heartfelt reply: “I think it’s just love at first sight. A rapport thing. Jeff, a little dumbfounded asks, “You’re absolutely sincere right now.” “I’m dead serious,” Billy answers. This is the moment that the rest of the tribe gets uncomfortable. I think they are all clearly thinking, this guy’s not playing with a full deck. Truly, none of them would want to be around when Billy eventually finds out that Adam has been snuggling with “his girl”, and there are machetes lying about. Jeff gently probes the rest of the tribe for their perspective on the matter, but wisely none of them outright declare that Billy is clearly sun-baked-crazy, and instead carefully state that they didn’t necessarily notice any signs of romance… but that doesn’t mean that there might not actually be something there. Kind of the same logic you use with a sleepwalker… you don’t want to suddenly startle them out of their fog, because you just don’t know what might happen. Gratefully, it is time to vote. And in what is certainly the least surprising result of the season, the tribe unanimously decides that maybe this isn’t the best place for Billy, and he is sent home. I’m sure the right place for Billy is somewhere with soft colors, a reclining couch, and a soft-spoken clinical psychiatrist that can get to the bottom of Billy’s fantasy romantic attachments. Luckily for us, his first stop will actually be on “The Early Show” tomorrow morning, and we can see what he has to say for himself and his entertaining crazy talk at tonight’s Tribal Council.

Day 4 Hiki Tribe We open on day four to find the four remaining members of the Hiki tribe huddled around and trying to make fire. Although they got flint after Tribal Council, they have yet to successfully start a fire with the sparks they’ve been creating with it. They truly look tired. They are all slumped around the fire pit, exhausted and disheartened. Nate tries again and again to launch a spark into the waiting tinder, hoping to start the beginnings of a fire. But after some extended period of time, (2 hours, 15 minutes, 30 seconds? It’s hard to tell with editing) he gives up and dejectedly walks away. The girls look at each other, and realize they have to step to the plate. And I’ll have to give them credit for this, they just decide that it’s time, it has to be done, and they are GOING to make fire. So Rebecca grabs the flint, and with renewed determination they focus on the task… and the planets finally seem to align. Rebecca strikes a spark directly into the waiting coconut fluff, and they finally get a hot ember, and then fire. You would think that Nate just won the lottery. He jumps up and down with genuine happiness and relief. It was kind of nice that he openly embraced the girls and their triumph, and at least from where we were sitting, didn’t show any signs of jealousy or embarrassment that the girls were able to accomplish what he couldn’t. They all do the happy dance as a team, and you hear Nate saying that the tribe seems to finally be figuring it out and working as one. Aitu Tribe We see the members of the Aitu tribe (minus one member) busily catching fish and crabs, and collecting clams along the shore. In a voiceover, we hear as they tell us that “Latinos are good workers… it’s in our blood and in our heritage.” It’s clearly not in Billy’s blood however, because we see no shots of him helping out with the daily efforts of the tribe. We then see the tribe circled around Cristina and she tells the story of being shot on duty as a police officer, and almost losing her arm as a result. She wears the bullet around her neck as a reminder. The tribemates are all duly impressed, and Cristina has suddenly become a role model for Cecelia. Then the camera zooms in on wild chickens that are roaming around their island. Clearly the Aitu tribe is craving some KFC action, because their attention goes towards figuring out how they can capture a bird or two for a meal. Cristina explains her idea of how they should put one of their fishing nets on the ground and when a chicken walks over it, suddenly swoop it upwards into a bag to capture it. Obviously Cristina has been watching too many coyote and roadrunner cartoons, because in the real world that will never work, given the fact that chickens actually have wings and can just fly above that sort of chaos. Ozzy tries not to outright shoot down Cristina’s idea, but does gently nudge the team in another direction. Instead they prop the net up and wait for a chicken to take the bait beneath it, and then drop the net down on it. Sure enough it works, and soon they have chicken on the grill. They then cut to an interview where Cristina is complaining about how Ozzy acts as if he “knows everything.” But regardless, soon everyone is sitting down to enjoy a chicken dinner… except for Cristina. She’s gone off to pout because they didn’t catch the chicken her way. Puka Tribe There is more chicken catching activity over with the Puka tribe. Yul has set one of the crates up on a stick, and put some bait underneath… and is quietly waiting for some chickens to come by and get totally plucked. Those chickens don’t disappoint, and soon two are in the midst of Yul’s trap, and with a quick pull, both are trapped beneath the crate. (Similar to how the two chickens were trapped over on the Roro tribe before Flicka got involved. Flicka, are you paying attention over here?) So Yul, the smart guy that can translate his wisdom to seemingly any environment, is definitely big man on campus for providing two chickens to the cooking pot. Becky, no idiot herself, demonstrates her intelligence soon afterwards by approaching Yul on the beach and suggesting that they team up. They both agree it makes sense, given the fact that they are both wickedly smart, attractive, and Korean. They trust each other, they’re both Korean… they respect each other, they’re both Korean… and they admit that they would naturally and automatically ally with each other since… they are both Korean. (So, I know this is just one small example within a larger experiment… but next time why don’t Burnett and friends just throw 20 people of various ethnic background all together on one big tribe, and see how the alliances form all on their own? I imagine it won’t be much different that the “controversial” start to this season. By the first two episodes’ example alone, there will certainly be smaller split-off sub-alliances even within the ethnic groups. There will be the Heavy Metal whities vs. the Top 40 crowd…. the African Americans ladies vs. the men…. the Latinos that speak Spanish vs. those that don't… clearly the Koreans vs. all other Asian Americans…and let’s not forget the Sneeches with stars, vs. those with no stars on thars.) Raro Tribe Jonathan comes home from Exile Island to a tribe that is happy to see him. There are big hugs all around as he gets off the boat that delivers him back home. He tells them that he looked for the idol all over the island but couldn’t find it. Then he starts looking around camp, and sees that nothing has been done in the two days that he has been gone. The shelter is still in disarray, and they don’t yet have a floor. So with more than a little grumbling at his tribe, Jonathan gets to work. Jessica/Flicka, in an effort to make up for pissing Jonathan off by letting the chickens loose, enthusiastically pitches in to help with whatever he’s doing. Sadly, she seems to be more enthusiasm than skill, because there is a scary shot of her hacking away at something with a machete as she’s sitting on the ground with legs sprawled out in front of her. I swear, this girl is one sneeze away from losing a leg. In the meantime, Candice, Parvati and Adam are all busy admiring one another. They causally hang out by the beach, brushing the hair out of one another’s eyes. Jonathan has just about enough, and starts barking at them all to pitch in. This is when Adam starts throwing a hissy fit. He starts kicking rocks and whining that building a floor is a truly stupid idea, and a big waste of time. He looks for backup, turning to Parvati and Candice to support his position… but unfortunately for him, both of them suddenly turn mute, and seem to become very engrossed in staring intently at the sand by their feet. Jonathan stomps off, mumbling that just because Adam is hungry and crabby that he shouldn’t avoid the work that needs to be done. Candice gently pulls Adam aside and tells him that he’d better be careful… and that it wouldn’t be a good move to make an enemy out of Jonathan.

Day 5 Aitu Tibe The camera zooms in on a rainbow of fish that the tribe has successfully caught off the shore of their little island. They’re obviously finding much of what they need to survive, and seem to all be doing their part to contribute… except for Billy. Billy, still dressed in black, sits beneath the shade of a tree as activity goes on around him. Since his lack of survival skill was uncovered early on… he has taken to sulking and feeling unappreciated and isolated by the rest of his tribe. Billy explains to us that he is trying to conserve energy. Since everyone else seems to know more about fishing and getting coconuts, he’s going to “let them do it as opposed to expending energy.” The rest of his tribe tries to get him involved, but every time anyone asks him to do anything, he looks like a hurt puppy and shuffles through the effort with as little heart and enthusiasm as possible. Ozzy is clearly getting frustrated, and tells us that he is tired of having to tell Billy what the tribe needs him to do. Cristina has a soft spot however, and is not a big fan of Ozzy’s ever since the chicken incident… so she sits down with Billy to try and understand why he is distancing himself so much. The Man In Black whines, and says he just doesn’t feel like he fits in with the tribe. He adjusts his black bandana, pulls on the neckline of his black heavy metal T-shirt, and continues… saying that even though they are all from the same background, that in actuality, “Metal is my culture.” Yeah, Billy… here marks the beginning of the end for you. Little did we know that you were also preoccupied by thoughts of Candice, imagining you and her and your cute little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Mohawk-sporting, leather-wearing babies running around. Puka Tribe Over on Puka Island, we find Cao Boi smushing Jenny’s face in a similar fashion to what we saw him do to Brad last week. It seems that Jenny got a headache from working in the hot sun, and went to the resident witchdoctor for a cure. As much as she may have been earlier questioning Cao Boi’s approach and given Brad a bad time about the bright red “indicator” on his face, she is voluntarily subjecting herself to the same treatment, with the addition of a couple big whallops to the back. Soon she has a smile on her face along with a bright red mark between her eyes… and her headache is gone! Cao Boi has worked his magic once again. His charms wear a bit thin however by that evening when the tribe is bedding down. Like a giddy girl at a slumber party, he is endlessly telling Asian jokes to the amusement of no one else but himself. The rest of the tribe is clearly annoyed, and they all try to explain why it is inappropriate to be telling ethnic jokes, even if it is about people of your own ethnicity. Cao Boi will have none of it, and states that to represent your race is not about avoiding the obvious joke. Speaking of which, he asks… can I tell you one more? This man is going to wake up and find his training bra in the freezer. Aitu Tribe On Night 5, we find Billy asleep and snoring in the Aitu camp, with the rest of his tribe up, awake and clearly agitated. Ozzy throws a suggestion out to the rest of his tribe, asking them to consider purposely throwing the immunity/reward challenge tomorrow in order to create and opportunity to get rid of Billy. J.P. agrees, and we hear him tell us that he was thinking the same thing and was happy when Ozzy actually brought the idea up. The girls however, are not as convinced. Cristina, still stinging from the chicken incident, is happy to disagree with Ozzy. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and thinks it would reflect badly on the tribe if they threw one of their members under the bus. (Personally, before Billy went all goofy on us at Tribal Council, I would have to agree. You only have FIVE members to begin with. Even at their worst, another body is good to have around when you’re competing against other strong tribes. Little did I know that Billy was going to soon display strange and disturbing characteristics that would make be happy to drop him off in a slow rowboat to China. Guys that imagine full-blown love affairs with girls that don’t even know them are the same kind of guys that hear voices and shouldn’t be trusted with machetes lying about. I know I keep focusing on the machetes… but that’s because they’re fricken’ machetes.) By the end of the evening, Cristina still hasn’t signed on to the “Ditch Billy” scheme, and is instead looking at Ozzy with distrustful eyes. If he could ditch Billy now, certainly he could turn on her in the future… Hmmmm, something to think about.

Day 6 It’s tree-mail time again, and all of the tribes receive notes and funky little wrist cuffs that indicate that today’s challenge will depend heavily on the tribes being able to work as a team. Cut to a picture of Billy in Black, sitting alone under a tree. Teamwork… hmmm, yes. Combination Reward and Immunity Challenge Today the survivors get story time about the life and voyages of Captain Cook. They have to listen carefully however, because the challenge requires them to get several plaques with story time facts that are strung out all within a crazy jungle-gym maze. After they retrieve all of the plaques, they have to cross a rope bridge as a team, and assemble the facts in correct order to win reward and immunity. Oh, by the way, the tribe has to be attached to each other in a long tribemate chain as they make their way through the challenge. Because Hika is short a member since Sekou’s departure, all of the rest of the teams must also have one member sit out. Billy again and again volunteers to sit on the sidelines, but his team will have none of it. J.P. ends up sitting out, and Billy is shackled to the end position of his tribe's chain. The challenge begins, and all of the tribes leap to the jungle gym… except surprisingly for the Aitu tribe. Led by Ozzy, they decide to take the option of reviewing the Captain Cook story “just to get all the facts right” before entering the maze. Billy looks confused for just a moment, but then the realization that his tribe is about to orchestrate his exit hits him… and the sad puppy face is back. Piku, Rora, and Hika all attack the course… while Ozzy lollygags and slowly leads his team through the challenge, trying to not make it painfully obvious that they are bound and determined to come in dead last. Surprisingly, Hika has enough troubles that Aitu could easily move into third place with little or no effort. But Ozzy makes sure that doesn’t happen… and with a mean streak I haven’t seen since recess in the third grade, Ozzy makes sure to wobble the robe bridge enough to send Billy in to the wading pool below, just to add insult to injury and ensure that they come in last. In the meantime, Rora and Puka race to the puzzle-solving element of the challenge. They slam their plaques into place, and in what looks like a dead heat, both tribes race to the finish mat simultaneously to try and win reward. Jeff pauses for a bit, trying to distinguish which team exactly finished first… but then gives the win to Puka, because heck, that Asian team has got to be better at solving puzzles than the whities, right? About that time Hika struggles to the finish… and bringing up the rear is a smug Ozzy with a questioning Cristina and Cece on board, and a very dejected and soggy-looking Billy at the tail end. About that time we get the call from the instant replay booth that Puka and Rora actually did hit the finish mats simultaneously, and so a tie is announced. So in this case, both tribes get reward, which is two tarps per team that will come in handy with the rainy season just around the corner. About this time, the tribes are all standing on their individual finish mats. A forlorn looking Billy is on one far side of his tribe, and next to him on the blue mat is the Rora team with Candice on the far side of her mat next to Billy. Candice is giddy, as a result of the announcement of the tie and the shared reward. Attention: here comes the sum total of the Billy/Candice romance in it’s entirety. Candice, suddenly noticing Billy’s hound dog expression, tones down her excitement for a moment and says, “I feel really bad for your guys.” Billy looks over at her and says, “I’m next.” Candice, speaking for her entire tribe, says, “We love you.” Billy looks back at her and with a bashful smile says, “I love you.” Yep, that’s it. That is what Billy created an entire full-blown love affair out of. Never mind the fact that Parvati was standing right there with Candice, providing her moral support to Billy as well. Nor that Candice didn’t say another word to him or even give him a wave goodbye when they eventually left towards their separate islands. That’s IT. That Billy, he’s got one hell of an imagination though. He should be a romantic novelist with the way he can create love and romance out of thin air. As revealed last week, the losing tribe gets to choose one member from any of the other tribes to go to Exile Island. So, despite the fact that his heart is all aflutter, Billy announces that the Aitu tribe has chosen Yul to be exiled. Exile Island Although clearly unhappy to be away from his tribe that he has begun to bond with, Yul sucks it up and struts up the beach of Exile Island to the shipwreck. There he pulls out the handy-dandy clue notebook and takes a look at Clue #2: Use the mast and an island to form a letter, block out the south island and you’re doing better. Yul wastes no time, and starts strolling around the island, looking at angles that will enable him to create the letter “A” with the masts of the shipwreck, and the profile of various islands in the distance. He marks a spot on the sand that meets the criteria, and sits down and begins digging. This guy can do no wrong, so I don’t think a single one of us were surprised when suddenly he strikes something hard, and pulls up a little chest with a note and the immunity island inside. That’s right CBS, you can just write the check out now. That’s spelled Y-U-L, K-W-O-N.

The Standings Before Episode 2 Puka wins reward Puka wins immunity Aitu wins immunity Raro wins immunity Jonathan on Exile Island Sekou voted out 3-2 ADAM: (Tribal Immunity) Adam certainly isn't hating island life. He snagged the cutie of the tribe to snuggle up with at night for "warmth". It's too early to know if Candice's claim that she's "always cold" is just an early strategic ploy to get a big strong man on her side, but Adam's not complaining either way. BECKY: (Tribal Immunity) Becky was so far out of the spotlight in episode 1, I almost forgot she was even on the island. Well, if you're not getting screen time, you're not making waves... and this early in the game, that's not a bad thing. Flying under the radar can get you far... and by the time they do notice Becky, she may be ready to play. BILLY: (Tribal Immunity) Billy talked a good game for the first half hour or so, but when it came time to actually display skill... it was painfully obvious he wasn't as handy with a machete as he claimed. He'd better roll up those black sleeves of his and start pitching in without trying to come across as the resident expert. Otherwise, if his tribe has to vote someone out, his name may be showing up on the ballots. BRAD: (Tribal Immunity)Poor Brad. It's a good thing there aren't any mirrors on the island, otherwise he would freak out when he saw the big read mark that Cao Boi's headache cure left. He seems pretty tolerant of him though, and as long as Cao Boi is drawing all the negative attention of the tribe, Brad can breathe easy. CANDICE: (Tribal Immunity)Candice may be the youngest one out there this season, but she acts kind of like a disapproving mother. She certainly had her eyes a-rolling when Flicka let the chickens loose. But she did snag a warm spot next to Adam at night, so she's definitely got him to protect her. Smart move Candice! CAO BOI: (Tribal Immunity)Cao Boi is drawing a lot of fire from the other members of his tribe. He's certainly comfortable being himself, but no one else quite knows what to make of him. I'm facinated by how he cleared up Brad's headache, but I don't know if that non-traditional approach will sit well with the rest of his tribe. Watch your back, Cao Boi! You're definitely odd man out in your tribe. CECILIA: (Tribal Immunity)Let's see, I remember seeing Cecilia jumping off the ship while holding her nose... and other than that, we didn't see a lot of her this first time out. Keep your head down, and let the bigger personalities get in the crosshairs Cecilia... I think that's your best move for now. CRISTINA: (Tribal Immunity)Was Cristina even there...? Did we even talk to her? Heck... sorry guys, I got nothin'. JENNY: (Tribal Immunity)This is the problem with starting out with 4 tribes and 20 people, you just can't cover everyone. Jenny's another one that made it through round one, but that we didn't see a lot of. Hang in there girl, just keep doing what you're doing for 36 more days! JESSICA: (Tribal Immunity)Awww... poor Flicka. You'll never live down the fact that you let those chickens out. Good news is, your team didn't have to go to tribal council. Bad news is, the first time they go, I think you'll be the first to go. JONATHAN: (Tribal Immunity)Well, the short conversation he had with Flicka will probably be their last. He's not a big fan ever since she let his chicken dinner get away. But maybe he'll figure out the clues on Exile Island and secure his safety to the final four! He seems like he'll be entertaining, so I hope he's with us a while. JP: (Tribal Immunity)J.P. was all ready to rally around Billy! Then he found out that Billy stretching the truth a bit regarding his "handy man" abilities. Well, it's good to learn this lesson right away. Everyone's going to lie to you J.P.! It's how the game is played! Don't be hurt, just be ready for it! NATHAN: (Voted for Sundra) Nathan can step into the vacant leadership role of his tribe now that Sekou is gone, but he may not want to. His tribemates have proven they're happy to get rid of the leader when they don't do well at the challenges. He'd better make friends with one of the ladies, otherwise he's going to be out on a limb all alone. OZZY: (Tribal Immunity)Ozzy is a little monkey man! Did you see him scale that tree? I think he has all the right skills to do fantastic at this game. He just can't be perceived as too prepared, or they'll vote him right off as a threat. Hopefully he can walk that thin tightrope as well as a monkey too! PARVATI: (Tribal Immunity)Pavarti is just going to smile all through this game! She's just got that ray of sunshine quality about her, and it may make folks want to keep her around. As long as someone else is letting the chickens loose, the target will stay off her back! REBECCA: (Voted for Sekou) Rebecca made a fast friend and early alliance with Sundra, and they were responsible for the first one voted out of Cook Islands. As long as they didn't get rid of some physical strength that the tribe will need later, she's sitting pretty good right now. STEPHANNIE: (Voted for Sekou) How is it that the one person in the tribe without an ally, has all the power? That's the magic of the swing vote, and Stephannie got to decide who was the first one to go home from Cook Islands. Hopefully she can find a strong alliance with the girls, or form a new one with Nate, bucause you can't win this game all alone! SUNDRA: (Voted for Sekou) Sundra almost became the first one headed home. Good thing Stephannie decided to stick with the girls, otherwise the night would have had a much different ending! With Rebecca as a close Ally, she's now part of the strongest alliance on her tribe. But they may wish they had Sekou back if the next challenges are very physical. YUL: (Tribal Immunity) Yul even began to warm to Cao Boi by the end, even if he still doesn't understand him. Yul is definitely a strong player, and will certainly be around for a while.

Luxury Items So during most seasons of Survivor, the castaways each get to bring one luxury item with them. I don't know what the precise rules and regulations are, but clearly they can't bring things like food, fishing gear, or steak knives. The rules must be pretty specific, because history shows that most of the survivors have chosen truly useless items. To mention a few: Cologne, a teddy bear, paints & canvas, eyeliner, the Bible, lipstick, a football, crayons and a coloring book, the Texas state flag, a voodoo doll, a journal, a backgammon set, flaming fire-dancing balls (don't get me started), massage oils, a pillow, bongo drums, a shaving kit, war paints, Scrabble, a hairbrush, and a homemade immunnity headdress. Hmmmm. Well, those of us that watched Colby's season when he brought the Texas flag, suddenly discovered that maybe that was a pretty smart move. His tribe was able to use it for shelter, and it actually came in quite handy. The same I think could be said for a shaving kit, assuming there are some razor blades in there somewhere that can be used to whittle a spear or cut fish. And to battle boredom, I suppose the football/Scrabble/backgammon choices are all good, as well as a journal to write in or the Bible to read. But some of these choices are just crazy, right? I mean, if you have no soap, deodorant, or shampoo... who the heck is going to get close enough to you to notice you're wearing lipstick or eyeliner. And really, are either one of them powerful enough to offset the impact of matted hair and a dirt-streaked face? And in both the case of the bongo drums and the swinging balls of fire, they may have made the individual survivor happy to have something familiar around, but the rest of the tribe wanted to kill them for subjecting them to the sounds/sights of their items. So given the fact that we all agree that we are in our right minds, as opposed to those crazies that are stranded in the Cook Islands, what do YOU think would be the best luxury item to bring to help you survive the game? I've made a little poll over on the left hand side. (Go see! You may have to scroll a bit, but that's okay... I'll wait.) Find it? Okay! As you can see, I've taken five of what I think would be pretty sensible choices: 1. A flag/banner. (Colby had it right, bring something that looks sentimental, but has actual use in the wilderness.) 2. A toothbrush. (You shouldn't neglect your gums, even when competing for a million dollars. Plus, you don't want to offend those you are trying to ally with while whispering secretly in the bushes.) 3. A good luck charm. (This could be anything, from a rabbit's foot to a picture of your puppy, whatever you think would bring you luck.) 4. The Bible. (Let's assume this is the only book that the castaways are allowed to bring. No, manuals on "Surviving in the Wilderness", etc.) 5. A game. (A soccer ball, a chessboard, a volleyball... something to do during those boring lulls between challenges and scrapping for survivial.) My personal choice would be the toothbrush. I know, I know, not very exciting. But I personally hate having stuff stuck in my teeth, and I'll I'd need is to be on national TV with a bit of coconut husk hanging from my choppers. It's not like anyone on the island competing against me is going to tell me I look like a fool. How about you? What would you take? If you don't like my choices, leave a comment and tell me one of your own. You can do it, it's okay! I won't email you back and tell you I think your choice is silly. Honest. Alrighty then! Another new episode tonight. I'll have updates up this evening, but it may be tomorrow before I finish with it all. Happy Survivoring!

Sekou's Exit Interview In CBS’s effort to draw us into their morning news program, The Early Show, they always interview the reality contestant that was voted out/eliminated/sent home from the “show de jour” the evening before. It’s a blatant attempt to steal viewers from their competition, the Today show and Good Morning America… but it’s also effective! I, for one, tuned in to see what Sekou had to say about his short time on the island. The episode recap pretty much zoomed in on the gender split in the Hiki tribe. There was Sekou telling Nate that the girls would be stupid to get rid of one of the stronger men, and there was Rebecca telling Sundra and Stephannie that the guys are on thin ice and that one of them must go. During the interview, when Sekou was asked if he knew that he was in danger, he admitted that he assumed he was as soon as his tribe lost the challenge. But according to Sekou, it was his phenomenal leadership skills that got him the early boot from his tribe. He recounted what he assumed was his tribe’s thought process when the girls targeted him: “Since they think I’m this courageous leader, they may think I’ll be a threat to them.” So according to Sekou, they took him out in order to secure a place for themselves in the tribe. Hmmm, well yes… I guess it could have happened that way. But from where I was sitting, I think it was his nap on the beach that did him in. When he was asked about it during the interview he said, “I was being relied on a lot for fire, as you can see.” He went on to say that the nap was a result of him being exhausted from the effort of making the shelter and making fire. Okay Sekou, I’ll give you the shelter bit, no problem. I did see you kind of orchestrating that whole scene. But fire…? Once again, did they actually ever even have fire during Sekou’s reign? I don’t think so. So this continual use of his “fire making ability” as a bargaining chip was a pretty bad move on his part, in my humble opinion. You know how they got fire, Sekou? They voted you out! And then immediately after, Jeff handed them flint and four burning torches. So yes, I guess in a roundabout way you did help them get fire. Good man! It turns out that Sekou was recruited for this season of Survivor. In addition to trying to cast a racially diverse cast, the producers were also trying to find folks that didn’t know that much about the game in and effort to recapture some of the “freshness” that the show had the first couple of seasons. Sekou said that he received a call on Friday that they wanted him for the show, and by the next Thursday he was already sequestered as they got ready for filming. I have to hand it to him; I don’t know if I would be ready to go on an adventure like this with only seven days notice! Although they don’t go into any details about what happens to the survivors one they’re voted out, they did show a picture of Sekou with a truly huge fish that he caught during the rest of his stay on the Cook Islands before filming finished and everyone was allowed to go home. So even though he wasn’t part of the game after the first three days, he did get to enjoy a paid vacation in the South Pacific, with sun and fun and fishing. Heck, as long as you’re not going to go home with the million dollars, you might as well get out early and enjoy your stay with showers, real beds, and three meals a day. By the way, Sekou also gave a plug for his upcoming CD that is being released in early 2007. So if you’re a fan of jazz, look for Sekou Bunch’s CD, “The Next Level” in January.

39 Days, 20 People, 1 Survivor Episode 1 It’s here! The highly anticipated, hotly debated, new season of: Survivor. Tonight we got our first look at the four tribes we’ve heard so much about. For the show, the tribes have all been given cuter, shorter, nicknames. So for the rest of our time together, I will adopt these names as well. Our tribes are: Hiki (African-American) Aitu (Latino) Puka (Asian-American) Raro (Caucasian) The show opens on rough seas, with the 20 castaways and Jeff cutting through the sea on a large sailing ship. More than a few of them look pretty green, and are probably already wondering why exactly they signed up for this gig. They’ve already been divided into the four tribes, and so have been told about the “unique” criteria by which they’ve all been divided. (I was kind of hoping that we would get to see the moment that this twist was announced to the players. Forget about how we all felt about it, how did THEY feel about it the moment they discovered that tribes would be split along ethnic lines??? We get a few glimpses into their thoughts a little later one, but there’s nothing like the first raw reaction to such an unexpected announcement.) The adventure for these seasick twenty then officially begins with the clanging of a bell, and the announcement that they have exactly two minutes to salvage whatever they can from the ship, cut free their color-coded rafts, jump overboard, and begin paddling to each of their designated islands. Whoo-hoo! Chaos begins! You suddenly see twenty startled, disorientated, and frantic strangers crawling over the deck of the ship grabbing at whatever they can. There are bananas, Hawaiian slings, fish traps, live chickens, lanterns, machetes and firewood on board… but not enough to go around. So it’s first come first serve, and whichever tribe can grab the most, gets the most. This is where our first inter-tribal “incident” occurs. Yul of the Puka tribe sees a chicken fly off into the sea, and leaps off the ship after it. It’s a little crazy and hard to follow, but he somehow gets it back to the ship… and then as time runs out and everyone has to get their butts off board, his tribe goes to grab the chicken, and it’s not there. Jonathan from the Raro tribe has made away with it, and jumps overboard to his raft with it in his hands. There’s too much at stake however for the Puka tribe to cry over spilt chicken, so with Jeff screaming at any of those still dawdling to “GET OVERBOARD!” the teams start furiously paddling to shore. It’s actually a bit visually startling to see the size of the waves that are rolling under the four rafts as they slowly pull away from the ship. For the first time in all of the seasons, these poor guys really do resemble stranded castaways… as they cling on to their rafts and meager possessions, and slowly try and make their way to dry land. Then of course the fact that they all volunteered for this, and that someone is going home with a check for a million dollars, roars back into mind… and the concern and empathy evaporates, just like that! As they are all paddling to shore, they cut away to interviews with some of the Survivors, and we hear their reactions to finding out that the tribes were going to be split along ethnic lines. From the Aitu tribe, Ozzy’s first impresson was that it would probably be hard because “as a people of the same ethnicity, they might clash on things.” Sundra from Hiki tribe very diplomatically stated she could care less about the tribal divisions, because “surviving is a human effort.” (I see a T-shirt in the making) Yul from the Puka tribe seemed the most taken-aback by the groupings. By his own admission, he was “stunned” by the announcement. He thought it was a great opportunity that more minorities were participating in the challenge, but was concerned that the situation might “play out to caricatures and stereotypes.” Pavarti from the Raro tribe is shown smiling… always. While sitting on the raft while the rest of her team paddles in, she screams and giggles as the stolen chicken she is holding struggles in her arms. They then cut to her sitting on a log, giving her thoughts on the tribal divisions. “Different ethnic groups… is that Kosher?” Ahhh… smiling Pavarti. You’ve voiced the very question that everyone has been debating for the last couple of weeks.

Day 1 Aitu Tribe The Aitu tribe, on their red raft and with their red buffs, paddle strongly into shore. Billy starts talking more (and paddling less), laughing about how it’s ass backwards that his parents paddled away from an island (the Dominican Republic) in order to give their kids a good life, and here he is voluntarily paddling towards one. Billy goes on to explain that when he found out how the tribes were to be divided, he figured it was a great advantage because the Hispanics all come from Caribbean or South American backgrounds, and so they are all used to being in a tropical setting. (Uhhhh… Billy. Let’s not even mention the fact that you’re dressed head to toe in black in a location that’s hovering at the 100-degree mark every day. Let’s focus on the fact that you’re from New York, so you’re used to being in… New York! Hell… my ancestry is from Norway. But is there any part of me that’s used to being in snow boots and winter muffs, or hanging out where winter nights last 4 months long? I don’t think so.) Billy continues on, sharing his knowledge with all… telling his tribe he knows how to build stuff. He starts telling them that he can build a toilet. J.P. generously offers him the machete so he can get to work… but then Billy pauses and says no, he’ll just explain it to everyone, so that everyone on the tribe will know how. (Billy is obviously quickly trying to place himself in the “supervisor” position. He who has all the knowledge and directs the efforts around him, but need not actually participate in any of the work.) Sadly for Billy, things don’t go quite according to plan, and soon we see him working along with the rest of the tribe trying to create a shelter. J.P., initially thrilled that they had a construction expert in their midst, suddenly begins to notice, along with the rest of the tribe, that Billy’s expertise may have been grossly overstated. About the time he starts smacking a pole of bamboo against a tree in an effort to break it, Ozzy casually steps in and starts fitting pieces of the shelter’s bamboo frame into place. As Ozzy goes to work, Billy looks on… in his black bandana, black t-shirt, too long black shorts, black socks, and black sneakers. Billy shrugs an unenthused, “uh… alright”, as Oz pulls things together, as if to say, “Like, fine… if you want to do it that way.” Ozzy goes on to explain how he carefully tries to tiptoe into the situation, to support the tribe but not appear as a leader. However, the very next shot shows him scaling a tree like Curious George to fetch some coconuts for the tribe. I swear to you, he does it with such ease, he must scale trees every morning at home to fetch coconut milk for his Rice Krispies. His entire tribe looks on in awe. Way to not draw attention to yourself, Ozzy! Puka Tribe We catch up with the Puka tribe and their green buffs as they make their way to shore. We hear Coa Boi, yelling about the coming “Asian Invasion”, and then joking that he, “can’t believe a bunch of Asians that are so little weigh so much.” Feathers start to get ruffled right away, and I believe it is Becky that barks out, “No more Asian jokes, no more stereotypes!” Cao Boi just laughs back, “What stereotype, it’s fact!” So begins the somewhat strained relationship between Cao Boi, the nail salon manager, and the rest of his tribe. Cao Boi has thoughts and opinions on everything, and is not about to keep them to himself. He hunkers down in the sand and gives his opinion of his tribe’s chances, saying that the Puka tribe is at an advantage, “we fly under the radar, no one suspect these ‘little’ people with slanted eyes so see anything or be strong enough to do anything. People always underestimate the Asian!” Yul admits that he is having the most issues with Cao Boi, while Brad listens to Cao Boi as he hacks up a coconut and tells about a monk in Vietnam that was able to live for many years on coconuts alone. Brad says, “I have a feeling you’re going to be telling a lot of stories tonight,” while the rest of the tribe looks on, not sure what to make of their eccentric member. Cao Boi admits he’s never been accepted by the Asian community. He doesn’t look educated, or fit the stereotype of hardworking engineer, with a suit and tie and a nice car. “I belong in a hippy community,” he says, as he crawls off into the bushes to eat a coconut by himself. (Hmmmm... Cao Boi, if you would brush those twigs out of your hair, and come out of the bushes and share some of your coconut, you might be accepted quicker than you think.) Hiki Tribe The Hiki tribe and their yellow buff climb on shore, and quickly do a team huddle. They vow to make it as a strong tribe from day one to the end, and end their circle time with hands in the middle chanting, “Represent, Represent, REPRESENT!” Stephannie follows up with an individual interview, saying how they all feel pressure to, “Represent… our people, and the African-American culture.” And Rebecca goes on to tell us, that because they are divided by race, she feels the need to show that, “Yes, black people do swim. Yes, black people do know how to get on a boat and paddle. I mean, we don’t just run track!” (My gosh, this is a lot of responsibility for 5 island-bound castaways to shoulder! I’m all about the “represent’n” , but maybe first you should focus on fire, water, and food… and save all that other stuff for day two?) Sekou then starts handing out responsibilities to everyone, telling different individuals to gather bamboo, firewood, and palm fronds. Things seem to be moving along, but then Nate talks to us individually and admits that they have a lot of headstrong people on their tribe, and “black people don’t like to be told what to do.” Pretty soon, progress halts as they debate about the best way to build the shelter. But Sekou seems to gather the reins again and soon they’re all proudly standing around a small but functionally box-shaped shelter, which Sekou refers to as “low income housing”. Raro Tribe We catch up with our final tribe paddling to shore. The blue-buffed members of Raro are all onboard their little raft, except for some reason for Jessica who is hanging on to the back, kicking along for her contribution to keep them going. Jonathan gives his two-cents on the ethnically divided tribes. “I don’t believe that just because these tribes have cultural similarities, that that will make them more specifically cohesive.” (Wha…? The similar color of people’s skin won’t automatically make them a tighter knit group, any more than different shades of skin will automatically make them more divisive? Wait a minute… it’s almost as if they planned this whole thing to illustrate that point, as opposed to somehow encouraging people to stick with their own. No, no, no… that would mean those councilmen in New York were foaming at the mouth for no reason! That couldn’t be right… never mind.) As the tribe drags things on shore, they celebrate all the booty they were able to take from the ship. In addition to the “stolen” chicken, they grabbed two machetes, two slings, and another chicken. They put both chickens under one of the empty crates, and Candice, with her hands on her hips and a very serious look on her face said, “Hey make sure those chickens aren’t going to get out!” Oooh, I sense foreshadowing!! We hear Jonathan babbling on about grabbing one of the chickens from the Green Team, and not even realizing it was theirs. Right, Jonathan… and Rupert from Survivor: Pearl Islands didn’t know those were someone else’s shoes he took out of that boat that first day. Thieves or not, they toast their success with coconuts, and nickname themselves “The Whities”. Roller Girl Jessica (a.k.a. Flicka) runs down the members of the tribe. She labels Adam “The Jock”, Parvati “The Sorority Girl”, Candice “The Serious Student”, Jonathan “The Family Man”, and Jessica/Flicka “The Alternative Option”. Wasn’t this a John Hughes film? This is where it gets fun. Jonathan is chatting with Jessica, trying to get to know what she’s all about. She mentions that her friends call her “Flicka”. He laughs about the “My Friend Flicka” reference… she mentions she’s never actually seen the movie, and as she is distracted by conversation, she lifts up the crates that have the chickens under it. Chickens run off like… um, chickens with their heads cut off. There is a half-hearted effort to round them up, but they soon dive deep into the bush and are beyond any easy capture. You hear Jonathan grumbling loudly about the whole thing. Mentioning that he can forgive her, “but I don’t have to, because she screwed up my chickens”. Hence the name of the episode. Poor Flicka. You’re “represent’n” the roller girls across the country, and I’m afraid they all dropped their heads in disbelief and shame when you let those chickens escape. Sorry girl, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.