Day 13 Raro Tribe The tribe is slow to wake, most likely due to the two empty wine bottles that are lying about camp. We didn’t get to see any stumbling or bumbling castaways, so they must have all been nice well-mannered drunks. Adam suddenly shows up, back from an early fishing expedition. He has… an octopus stuck to his foot? Yep, yep… yes he does. The thing is holding on for dear life, despite getting poked more than a couple times with a fishing spear. Somehow the poor guy is finally removed from around Adam’s ankle, and now everyone knows that octopus will be the main feature of today’s menu. Cristina jumps into action, quickly ordering everyone around to gather things so she can begin creating a five-star meal. “YOU, go get me coconut. YOU, go boil some water. YOU, go get me some crabs.” Did Cristina not see last week’s episode? This tribe really has no tolerance for pushy people. Jenny, just like last week, is the first to squawk. She reluctantly helps wash off a knife and cutting board at the edge of the water, as Cristina squats down clean the octopus next to her. Jenny heads back to camp as Cristina, for some unknown reason, submerges the pan containing the octopus in the shallow water… and as it tends to happen on the beach, a small wave almost immediately comes in, and washes half the octopus meat out into the ocean as it recedes. Cristina immediately starts crying for help. “Help, help! The octopus is washing away!!” Brad comes down to try and help her retrieve some of the scattered pieces, while Cristina tries to tell him that she thought that Jenny was right there to help, and that’s why things when so badly. Ummmm… so the fact that Jenny wasn’t right there is the reason you decided to dunk the octopus meat in the water? So, Jenny was supposed to stop you from doing something stupid like that? Is that your point? Adam goes down to assess the damage, and see how much of the Nike-sucking octopus they have lost. Again, Cristina is pointing fingers everywhere but herself… “Uh, I thought Jenny was right here, I couldn’t do this by myself… blah, blah, blah.” They managed to get all the meat back, but then Adam wandered back up to camp to tell the rest of the tribe what happened and how Cristina was trying to blame Jenny for the fiasco. The reaction, as you might imagine, was not positive. Almost immediately, you can tell the individual tribe mates are trying to determine if Cristina spells her name with a “C” or a “K”, and if she includes an “h” in her name… because they want to get it right when they write her bossy, octopus-dropping name down at the next Tribal Council. Aitu Tribe Our happy campers wake up and start wandering about camp. Flicka has decided it’s a good day to explore, and tries to recruit others to go with her. Ozzy is in, because he feels their island is getting “short on resources” and that they could use a fresh boost of supplies from another location. But when Yul is asked, he replies that he thinks he’ll spend the day trying to catch chickens. Ozzy asks Candice, but she is very, very, busy braiding her hair, and also turns them down. Cao Boi of course is going… because Cao Boi is up for anything. Sooooo… it’s the strong trusting/respecting alliance of four staying put, the three stooges Flicka, Cao Boi, and Ozzy going on an explore, and then Sundra who stands alone. The stooges approach Sundra to see if she would like to join them. “You want to come? It will be four of us,” Cao Boi asks. Wow… this is like totally one of those conversations with such a dual significance. Because, like, there’s the four that are staying that are in an alliance, and then there’s, like, the three that are going that are like in an alliance… and then there’s like Sundra, who’s like TOTALLY in between the two alliances! Whoooooa. Like, if she stays or goes can, like, totally signify not only what she wants to do today, but like how she’s probably going to ally herself and like vote. Coooool. Sundra is no dummy, and stays put with the strong and smart alliance, and lets the other three toddle off on their adventure. Milliseconds after the tree stooges leave, Yul approaches Sundra and asks if she would consider allying with them. Sundra, again – no dummy, agrees. And now the strong trusting/respecting alliance of four have their fifth, and her word that she will not waiver and will vote with them going forward. Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen. In the meantime, Ozzy, Flicka, and Cao Boi row across the lagoon to the mysterious “Other Island”. Ozzy finds some funky mushrooms, and informs the other two that they are very useful for first aid, and gathers some to take with them. Hmmm… this first aid isn’t administered through smoking, is it Ozzy? We’d better keep an eye on him next time he “cuts his finger.” The trio are excited to be the first to explore this desolate, unknown island. They trek through the bush, look around, and discover… the Raro Tribe! That’s right, you guys paddled across the way only to stumble across the other tribe’s camp. And hey, Flicka… didn’t you used to live over here? I mean, didn’t you spend the first 10 days or so right here on this very island? Did you pay no attention at all while paddling home, and notice the proximity of your “old” island to your “new” island? No? Nothin, huh? Well, regardless of how it came about, there are the dregs of the Aitu tribe showing up unannounced on Raro’s beach. The members of Raro are not happy. Adam might as well beat his chest and pee on all the trees the way he reacts to the visitors invading his territory. The invaders don’t notice or don’t care. They squat down at the campfire and make themselves at home. Cao Boi, in a very unexpected turn of events, starts on a story-telling jag. Brad and Jenny suffer flashbacks, and the rest of the tribe gets their first introduction to Cao Boi’s ability to talk forever and say nothing. When everyone’s eyes are glazed after untold hours of non-stop yammering, the Raro tribe finally maneuvers the chatting to a close. As Cao Boi says his goodbyes, he decides to go for the gold ring, and ask the Raro tribe if they would be willing to share some of the spices they won in the prior day’s challenge. Raro collectively looks at him as if he has gone mad, and Adam quickly speaks up and tells him that they worked mighty hard for them spicy pears, and they think they ought to just hold on to them. If Cao Boi was truly smart, at this point he would have plunked himself right back down and started up a new story. Those guys would have given him anything to get him to leave. But Cao Boi doesn’t and so there is no bargaining chip… and therefore no spices. Ozzy, Flicka and Cao Boi paddle back home with nothing to show for their efforts but a few magic mushrooms. Exile Island Jonathan is back on Exile Island. The last time he was here, there actually was still an idol buried somewhere in the sand… but it’s long gone now. All he has is the handy-dandy notebook full of clues to an idol that’s now safely hidden in Yul’s pocket. Regardless, Jonathan takes a look at the latest clue to see if it will help him out: To find what you seek, a charm of great worth, get in the right spot and look deep in the earth. Is it just me, or was this the least challenging “hidden idol” ever? I mean, they practically marked a big ol’ X on the ground with a sign that said “Dig Here”. Jonathan should be feeling dopey that he didn’t find this thing on his first visit. But now that it’s been completely spelled out for him, he’s off to do some digging. There’s Jonathan, in a big hole in the ground, throwing sand over his shoulder. Ahhh.. there’s night vision of Jonathan, in a big hole in the ground, throwing sand over his shoulder. There’s Jonathan, the next morning, in a big hole in the ground, throwing sand over his shoulder. JONATHAN!!! It ain’t there no mo! All gone! It go bye-bye! Ah, whatever… you’ll figure it out sooner or later. Day 14 Immunity Challenge Jeff is there, waiting for the castaways at the site of the latest hamster maze that has been built for them. Wha… what’s this? Jeff is wearing a ball cap now instead of his silly straw cowboy hat. Jeff, have you been reading my blog? Jonathan returns, and after some pointed questions by Jeff, tells that he looked all over for that idol where he thought it should be and couldn’t find it, and that he’s sure it’s not there anymore. Yul grimaces, and wishes that Jonathan would shut his pie hole. Jeff then begins explaining the elaborate set-up that the survivors will soon be racing through. First the tribes have to put together tree stepping poles that will be used to transport two of their tribe members between two platforms in the water. Once both are across, the entire tribe must climb on top of the second platform, and once they are all there they can jump back in the water and swim to a third very small tower further out in the water. The first team to get all of the tribe members up on the top of the tower, with both feet on or above the top deck of the tower wins. The teams get all twittery and anxious, and then with much ta-doo, Jeff screams “GO!” and they are on their way. Everyone races to the beach and starts assembling the stepping poles. Aitu is in the water first with their poles, and Raro follows shortly after. Jenny starts across the poles for Raro, while Flicka starts making it across for Aitu. The teams plod through, inching the girls along to the next platform, and then run back to get their second girls. Raro starts the second leg with a bit of a lead, as Parvati starts across. Aitu goes back to get Becky. Aitu makes up some ground by increasing the distance between the poles, and both girls hit the second platform at about the same time. Parvati his it for Raro, and then all the rest of the tribe clambers up the second platform, and then leaps off… splashing and swimming for the tower. Becky hits the platform for Raro, and they scramble up and down to close the small gap they are trailing by. Raro starts climbing up the tower, and gets everyone to the top, but fall off into the water before everyone can get their feet up on deck. Aitu is now leading, and they squeeze up to the top deck one by one, while bunching on to one another in an effort to keep their balance. It looks like some twisted erotic version of Circ du Soleil, with arms and bodies and legs all entwined on top of this itty, bitty deck. Finally, the final foot pulls up and finds a spot for Aitu, and they win immunity. Now that they all know each other so intimately, the members of Aitu launch off the tower, and then jump all over one another in the water in celebration. Raro collapses off the tower after their failed attempt, and just look wet and miserable while standing in the water. Sorry guys… but if it makes you feel better, this was one of the more entertaining challenges to watch for those of us here at home. Raro Tribe After woefully trudging back to camp after their loss, the tribemates all check in with each other and confirm that they are going to vote out bossy Cristina after the whole octopus fiasco. She is annoying everyone, and they’ve all decided they’ve had enough. Nate and Stephannie go to get water, and check in with each other to make sure their vote is the same. Stephannie confirms with Nate that she’s down with voting out Cristina, and is just happy that it’s not her or Nate. And then, stupid Stephannie, makes some goofy comment about how she could easily see herself going home and getting some mashed potatoes and gravy. Wha…? It’s a strange comment, but Stephannie is a strange girl… and it should have just stopped there. But noooo…. Nate goes back to camp, and tells Adam and Brad how Stephannie was wishing for the chance to go home and get some taters and gravy. Now, that’s not exactly what she said, but it’s a reasonable story, and they all start jumping on the bandwagon about how Stephannie has obviously already given up mentally, and should be sent home. Hell… the week before she took the blame for losing the immunity challenge, and told her tribe to send her home, but they didn’t. And now, they clearly had decided to send someone else home, and then Stephannie piped up and said it wouldn’t break her heart to go home and enjoy some real food. Hmmm… Stephannie may have not meant for it to come out that way, but at the same time she is clearly not ready to ride this pony all the way to the finish. So whether she meant for it to go this way or not, the target slips off of Cristina’s back, and positions itself on Stephannie. Brad starts telling his version of what he heard from Nate to Parvati. Parvati, ever the direct one, goes right to the source and asks Stephannie if she wants to go home. Stephannie kind of laughs it off, and just says things were taken out of context… and tells Parvati that she does want to stay. However, she delivers it with zero conviction… so I’m thinking that Stephannie is dreaming of mashed potatoes again even as Parvati is trying to help her. Yeah, bossy Cristina… looks like it’s your lucky day. Tribal Council The parade of torches arrives, and they all take a seat around the fire. Jeff: Adam, your tribe totally sucked in today’s challenge. You’ve lost two in a row, you talentless goofs. What do you have to say for yourself? Adam: Get off my back, man! We’re doing fine. We communicate really well. Just today Nate was telling me how Stephannie begged him to take her home and cover her in mashed potatoes. I mean, the communication lines in this tribe are OPEN. We’re cool. Jeff: Brad, you seem to kiss everyone’s ass equally. Do you have no pride, man? Brad: Everyone deserves a good ass-kissing now and again. It’s my job to spread the love. Why don’t you bend over, Jeff… and I’ll give you a little something too. Jeff: Stephannie, why don’t you have any friends? And why the hell do you spell your name with two n’s? Stephannie: I choose to have no friends, Jeff. Friends are useless baggage, and they just get between me and my mashed potatoes. I’d just as soon that the world be wiped of all human life. Uh, I mean… all human life except for you all. All human life, except for you eight lovely people. You all haven’t voted yet… have you? Jeff: Whatever, Steph… what about the n’s? Stephannie: Oh, I just do that to screw with the people that put me in their blogs, so it makes their spell check go apeshit. Jeff: Nate, you all got rid of J.P. last week because he was bossy. We’ve had cameras on you guys 24/7 and there appears to be a new Bossy Betsy in your camp. Why don’t you confront her now and make her feel really uncomfortable? Nate: Cristina is a bossy bitch. She treats all of us like her little deputies, and makes her fetch her slippers and pipe and crap like that. We hate her. We talk about how much we hate her every day. We just didn’t tell her because we didn’t want to hurt her feelings… but now that you asked, Jeff, I must say it as it is. Cristina is a pushy bossy know-it-all, and she makes crappy coconut octopus soup. There, I’ve said it. Jeff: Cristina, do you feel like crap now? Cristina: (sob, sob, sniffle) Jeff: Adam, do you think your tribe has been completely honest here today? Adam: Well, if we’re being completely honest, I have to say that I really enjoyed the challenges the last few days where Nate and I have had to grope each other in order to “win one for the team”. I’m thinking that Nate and I should get pinned now, because we’ve certainly gotten to first base with each other, and are actually probably rounding second. Oh yeah, and Cristina totally is a bossy bitch. But I thought she knew that. Jeff: Rebecca, since we’re all being honest, do you have anything to say? Rebecca: Yeah, I steal things from the set of “The View” all the time. If you were to go into my apartment, you’d find tons of stuff from make-up and wardrobe, one of Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s homemade immunity headdresses, some leftover girdles from Star Jones, and one of Barbara Walter’s Emmys. Oh yeah, and Cristina is totally a bossy bitch. Jeff: Fair enough. Time to vote. Survivor music. Trudging to the voting area. Writing names down. Saying “it’s not personal,” even though it is…. Okay, time to count the votes. Stephannie Stephannnnnie Stephannnnnnnnnie Stephannnnnnnnnnnnnie Stephannnnnnnnnnnnnnieeee Stephannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnieeeeeeeee Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Kristina Jeff: Okay, you all clearly hate Cristina, but have decided to vote Stephannie out instead. Sucks to be you Stephannie. Sucks to be you Cristina. You all can head back to camp.